ゼミ課題 エッセイ添削 by Shohei

ゼミ課題の英文エッセイ添削を行いました。筆者はゼミ生To To To，添削者は私Shoheiです。添削にあたり下記の方法を取りました。
・赤斜体字は加筆したものである。
・（）は句読点の省略や変更，文の削除，綴り間違いを表わす。

proxemics
Summ(e)ary and personal opinion　(written by To To To, corrected by Shohei)

　(When you communicate, surprisingly,) A person’s social and personal distance during communication is a significant aspect. Proxemics is the study about how people communicate and perceive each other in terms of personal space. A communicator’s emotional state and the environment or situations in which communicators are participating in determine(s) (one’s) his or her size of psychological bubble and how much it changes. For instance, (normally,) even though you (won’t) will not mind if strangers lean on you when you are in a packed train, it is uncomfortable for you to get pressed from someone when you are at a bus station. In addition, culture is closely related to proxemics due to the fact that lifestyle is varied (depends) depending on where (they) people are from. Therefore, distances where people communicate and how often they touch differentiate(s) between cultures. From the (terms) viewpoint of proexmics, there are two types of cultures: contact culture and noncontact culture. Needless to say, people from contact culture prefer more contact. For example, it is very common to do arm linking between people from contact cultures.
　Proxemics makes you understand the culture in terms of distances, and there are four types of spatial needs: intimate, personal, social, and public. Intimate distance (which is used for our private actions such as cuddling lovers) (is ranged) ranges from direct physical contact to eighteen inches which is used for our private actions such as cuddling lovers. Personal distance covers from eighteen inches to four feet. Sometimes it is called as the comfortable bubble (since) because most of the time people apply (this distance) and consider this distance as comfortable. Social distance, a four- to twelve-foot zone, is used (at) in business and casual social interaction. Public distance covers over (12) twelve feet(s). For example, it is used in (the) classrooms by (the) professors.
　(Even though) I had known these main facts before going to America(,). However, I realized that I cannot say I have experienced differences between Americans and Japanese in (the) point of personal distance. (Mainly this is because,) Aaccording to “Communicating a social, career and cultural focus, (we,) Berko, Wolvin, and Wolvin(2010) say Americans and Japanese(,) belong to the same non contact culture. Therefore, it was natural for me not to feel uncomfortable (when) during the time of interaction (between) with Americans. Knowing deep information about personal distances also makes me curious to know how Europeans communicate in (the) terms of personal distances.

このエッセイでは文法や読みやすさ（私個人の感覚となってしまいますが）に基づき添削を行いました。また本エッセイでは情報のcitation（引用）がありましたので，情報引用の説明も加えました。
相手の英語の間違いに気付き修正することが大切ですが，それ以上に私個人としましては，自身の英語力を問われていると強く感じました。間違いだと「気付く力」，更にその間違いを「直す力」。これらを深く試されました。また普段のリーディングやライティング，文法の学習がこのような添削作業で特に大事だということにも気付かされます。（ゼミ生 Shohei）